Self-Introduction Letter
Dear Professor Blackstone,
I am Timothy Lee. I am a freshman at the Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT), pursuing a degree in robotics systems, and one of your students in UCS1001. I am writing to introduce myself to you.
Since young, I have had a dream of becoming an engineer. I have always played with electronic devices, sometimes disassembling and repairing them, so much so that I became the handyman of the house.
After graduating from secondary school, I studied mechatronics engineering at the Institute of Technical Education (ITE). The most memorable portion of the two years began when the Singapore Zoo reached out to ITE. During a visit to the Singapore Zoo, my team and I observed the tasks performed by the wardens and suggested improvements. To gain further insight, we asked specific questions like, ''How big are the fishes?'', ''How much water is required?'', ''Are the fishes frozen?'', ''Are you required to descale the fish?''. After six months, we presented the Fish Slicing Machine to them, and they were pleased that it exceeded their expectations. Seeing the wardens' expressions and solving real-life problems solidified my desire to be an engineer.
Three years later, during my final year at Singapore Polytechnic, Diploma in Mechatronics and Robotics Engineering, I interned at Shimano (Singapore) in the Process Innovation and Development department. My superior informed me that there were presentations every Monday and Friday and that I would present them in the future. I immediately made an effort to be a proactive listener to inculcate the habit of thinking logically, presenting information clearly and communicating effectively. My superiors were impressed with how comprehensive and detailed my report was, albeit I could be more concise during my presentation.
Covid-19 struck in 2020, halfway through my National Service, and my squadron implemented alternate working weeks. I was the most senior NSF in my work week and was responsible for training and guiding new transport operators (military drivers). It was challenging to negate misinterpretations and be clear when instructing. For instance, I gave a thumbs up when asked, "Is this the right way?". From the driver's perspective, he may interpret it as turn right. In hindsight, I should have verbalized my response to avoid poor communication.
Under your supervision, I hope to articulate my thoughts clearly, communicate effectively and improve my command of English. Thank you for taking the time to read this email.
Kind Regards,
Timothy Lee
Last edited on 27 September 2021
Blogs I've commented on:
Hi Timothy, it was very interesting to learn about your projects has influenced you to continue your studies in robotics and how your internship has helped developed your strengths in communication. However I feel that the paragraph about your weakness in communication could be more clearly stated.
ReplyDelete-zheng hao
Hello Zheng Hao, thank you for your feedback.
DeleteI'll see what i can do to clearly state my weakness.
Hi
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading about your experiences. However I feel that you could paraphrase the parts that start with "In 2018" or "In 2020" as it feels a bit like listing things in each year
Hello Meena, thank you for your comment.
DeleteI'll do my best to improve the flow of the story.
Dear Timothy,
ReplyDeleteThis is a detailed reflective letter. There is fairly clear attention given to each topic through anecdotal descriptions so that we readers can see that you are intent on painting a broad picture for us.
It's interesting, for example, to learn about your early developing interest in engineering and the fact that in your family you were the fix it guy. You attempt the same while explaining you project at the zoo and your NS experience. What I feel is missing is simply refinement. Your stories are a very good first step, but with polishing, especially in terms of a bit more context, they would be even more impactful.
In terms of language use, this is a very good effort, with pnly a few points for you to take note of:
1. sentence structure
-- Since young, my dream was to be an engineer. > (Since your dream was young? Look at the differnec between what you have written and this sentence: Since young, I had a dream to become an engineer.)
-- I have always played with electronic devices sometimes repairing, and disassembling, that I became the handyman of the house. > (punctuation issue, which impacts meaning)
I have always played with electronic devices, sometimes disassembling and repairing them, so much so that I became the handyman of the house.
-- Covid-19 struck in 2020, halfway through my National Service, my squadron implemented alternate working weeks. > (comma splice) ?
2. There's an issue with making assumptions about the reader's understanding. For example, in paragraph #2, it would have been good to explain what the engineering purpose of your visit to the zoo was. In short, I feel that some of the context for your experience there is missing.
I look forward to reading more of your writng this term.
Best wishes,
Brad
Greetings Professor Brad,
DeleteThank you for your kind words and feedback. I'll make the amendments accordingly.
I look forward to the future lessons you have planned.
Regards,
Timothy Lee